It’s hard to talk to your children about death, it’s hard to talk about it as an adult. We recently hosted an online webinar on this very topic, and put together a small fact sheet on how to talk to children based on their age.
Infants and toddlers will not understand the concept of death but will respond to the changes in their routines. They will respond irritably and they will have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns.
We need to re-establish their routine and provide comfort through touch.
Pre-school children will engage in magical thinking where they would view death as reversible or temporary. They may engage in asking questions over and over again.
We need to use appropriate language to address what death is and explain in a language they understand. Show them the difference between an alive body (breathing, chest moving and moving) vs. a person who has died.
School age children engage in magical thinking based on characters they have seen on television and movies. They will move to personify death and give it a face. They may act out in an aggressive way. They may have nightmares and try to act like the person who has died.
We need to give children an opportunity to participate in activities that create memories about the person who has died.
Pre-adolescent children are beginning to understand that death is final, and that it will happen to everyone. Children at this age are beginning to view death as punishment. This creates anxiety or fear regarding the death of people they love. These children may withdraw and become angry.
We need to make sure we provide factual information and create an environment that is safe for children to release their emotions.
Children are understanding death cognitively and are struggling with their spiritual understanding of death.
Here we need to make sure we are talking about the physical aspect of death as in the physical body. Through a spiritual lens, we need to separate the soul and the body and what that looks like through an Islamic lens. Consulting an Imam would be helpful.
If you feel like you ever need to speak to someone, please feel free to reach out to Mariyam Zaidi at Mariyam.z@sakeenahcanada.com.
Sakeenah Canada, a national charitable organization, was founded in 2018 in response to a gap in culturally and religiously sensitive services available for women and children facing domestic violence and homelessness. Since then, our services have expanded to include mental health therapy and counseling. Sakeenah has also started The People’s Market, a food program that helps combat food insecurity, and has become the first licensed foster care agency for Muslim children in all of North America. We currently operate 8 transitional homes across Canada: Toronto, Brampton, Milton, London, Montreal, Ottawa, Winnipeg, and Regina, in addition to the first long-term housing program for Muslim women and children in Canada, in Windsor.
Every night, thousands of women and children in Canada face homelessness, poverty, and trauma. We are on a mission to change that.
While Sakeenah functions at a national level, our head office and The People’s Market operate out of land that is part of the Treaty and Traditional Territory of the Mississaugas of the Credit First Nation, The Haudenosaunee Confederacy, the Huron-Wendat and Wyandot Nations.
Sakeenah believes that while a land acknowledgement is the first step, we also understand that land acknowledgements alone are not sufficient to redress the harm caused by centuries of land theft, forced displacement and ongoing acts of settler colonialism. We recognize that this work is ongoing and complex, and we are dedicated to doing our part to create a better future for all.
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