Fact Sheet: Speaking To Children About Death
It’s hard to talk to your children about death, it’s hard to talk about it as an adult. We recently hosted an online webinar on this very topic, and put together a small fact sheet on how to talk to children based on their age.
Infants/Toddlers
Infants and toddlers will not understand the concept of death but will respond to the changes in their routines. They will respond irritably and they will have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns.
How do we help?
We need to re-establish their routine and provide comfort through touch.
Children (Aged 3 to 5)
Pre-school children will engage in magical thinking where they would view death as reversible or temporary. They may engage in asking questions over and over again.
How do we help?
We need to use appropriate language to address what death is and explain in a language they understand. Show them the difference between an alive body (breathing, chest moving and moving) vs. a person who has died.
Children (Aged 6 to 9)
School age children engage in magical thinking based on characters they have seen on television and movies. They will move to personify death and give it a face. They may act out in an aggressive way. They may have nightmares and try to act like the person who has died.
How do we help?
We need to give children an opportunity to participate in activities that create memories about the person who has died.
Children (Aged 10 to 12)
Pre-adolescent children are beginning to understand that death is final, and that it will happen to everyone. Children at this age are beginning to view death as punishment. This creates anxiety or fear regarding the death of people they love. These children may withdraw and become angry.
How do we help?
We need to make sure we provide factual information and create an environment that is safe for children to release their emotions.
Children (Aged 12 and Up)
Children are understanding death cognitively and are struggling with their spiritual understanding of death.
How do we help?
Here we need to make sure we are talking about the physical aspect of death as in the physical body. Through a spiritual lens, we need to separate the soul and the body and what that looks like through an Islamic lens. Consulting an Imam would be helpful.
If you feel like you ever need to speak to someone, please feel free to reach out to Mariyam Zaidi at Mariyam.z@sakeenahcanada.com.